Take me as I Am

Friday, December 15, 2006

this is fryckshit.

this may get emotional. but bear with me.

its super duper hard when it comes to dealing with emotions. i thought i was not afraid of heartbreaks. yes i'm not. but when it does come to me. it hurts so bad inside. and whats worse is, im the one who's giving me heartbreaks. how ironic?

i dont wanna leave. but i just cant stay. before things get out of hand. you still have a chance for everything to be on your side. as for myself, i wont sweat it. yesterday talk underneath the stars with part of the beautiful people made me realise something.

maybe i was just in it for fun? but heck. this heart-wrenching feeling i feel is really real. coz i cant sleep coz of it. and i badly need sleep, if you notice.

no, im not blaming you, or anyone for that matter.

if i had one wish, that would be to turn back time and never let my feelings grow. coz hell, it is growing now and its harder than i think it was, to stop it. i promised myself i wont get emotional. and i wont. i wont get wimpy over it. i wont get all sobbing and stuff. but heck. i'll get sleepless nights. countless thoughts about 'what-ifs', multiple sensory urge to actually msg you and tell you that i'm sorry, and forgive me. but i'll still be able to face tommorrow again.

coz thats what im living for. tommorrow.

i dont wanna look back on the 'what-ifs'. i dont wanna spend my time waiting for something good to happen. if i wanna make good things happen, i must work for it. shoot. you are the sweetest guy. ever. even my guy wouldnt have done what you did. but its all so so so wrong.

current song listening to: I Wanna Grow Old With You.

and yes. it brought about the heart-wrenching moments. (trying my best not to swear at myself). honey, tell me why did it even started? oohh man. *eye connection* gosh this so suck lah. go. go and be happy. coz thats what i want for you.

be happy. i hope you understand this is hard for me too. its not what i want though. but its what we need to do. and i know you won't do it. so i'll be the bad guy here and do all this thing okay.

i'll look back to this post someday, and think to myself.."He's sucha nice guy. That was why he's taken" . i didnt mean to look so shattered, sad, shit-ified, hopeless. but i just did.

i cant express in speech. coz im bad at that. and i cant do anything else but blog. im so sorry.

Eyzee`Anne`Isabelle
it hurts me more, than you think.

9:28 PM; be my prince Y